i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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