After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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