I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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