dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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