dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
