I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so let's talk penis.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
