just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
