Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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