the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
