Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
