I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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