Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
