At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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