you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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