I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
