I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How does one acquire holy water?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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