I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
