you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm sobbing to NWA
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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