Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
