At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
