i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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