just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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