Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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