Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I want her autograph on my taint
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
