now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Randomize
