umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
