I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
