WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
