dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
