Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He? As in you personified your dick?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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