We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We had sex on a dog bed..
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
