Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Randomize
