i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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