i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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