Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
