Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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