I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just googled if crying burns calories
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Drunk is not a location!
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