operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
