I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
