guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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