At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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