i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
