i just had sex bonerless
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
