Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I didn't shave. On purpose
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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