Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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