I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
