no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
