it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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