Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
