I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Be still, my beating vagina.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
