You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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