the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
