1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
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