oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
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She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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