So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize