How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
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I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
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Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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