That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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