So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
