Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
