There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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