I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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