She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
how drunk are you?
Several
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
