the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
MIDGETS
????
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You ate ashes out of my bong
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
