At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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