McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
