She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
