she woke up with a sticky ear
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
