You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
