I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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